Christmas party nights

Leicester 1 Batman 0 | How University Researchers Brought The Dark Knight Crashing To The Ground

A group of students from Leicester University, previously responsible for such research papers as ‘Can Superhuman Muscles Stop Bullets?’ and ‘Could Bruce Willis Save The World?’, have published the results of their newest study. Its conclusion: that Batman would most likely be able to glide down from Gotham City buildings perfectly fine, but wouldn’t survive the landing. Yes, really!

The team, led by Physics student David Marshall, deduced that the winged crusader would need a bigger cape in order to land safely, his current wingspan of 4.7 metres around half that of a hang glider. According to David and his team, the force of Batman landing would be the equivalent of being struck by a car at 50mph.

“If he preferred to keep his style intact he could opt for using active propulsion, such as jets to keep himself aloft,” states Marshall. Alternatively if he fancied dropping into one of our Christmas parties in Leicester we imagine that gliding down from the top of the comparatively minuscule De Montfort Hall wouldn’t be too much of a problem!

On the pressing topic of whether or not Bruce Willis could save the world, or if superhuman muscle could indeed stop bullets, the answer was a resounding “no” in both cases. It was concluded that there is currently no nuclear device powerful enough to split an asteroid the size of Texas in two and that it would require about 70cm of fat to stop a speeding bullet.

The good news for fans of the Dark Knight is that his new film is due out in cinemas next week, with plenty of high speed gliding and landings involved. The other good news, for David Marshall and all other Leicester residents, is that this year’s Christmas party nights in the town are bigger and better than ever, events that Bruce Wayne would certainly be proud to attend.

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